Day 121

It's been brought to my attention that I'm not losing weight really quickly and perhaps I need surgical assistance because I'm so overweight that it's scary. While I know this cutting observation was made with good intentions, as selfish as they were,

please be reminded:

-I am losing weight as a bonus to creating a healthy lifestyle. The weight and inches lost are a measurable, tangible, reflection of my progress that I am able to calculate from home.


-It's more important for me to develop healthy habits and routines that will facilitate healthy living and increased longevity, as well as creating those habits that will set a good example to my future children brought up surrounded by childhood obesity, than to be a supermodel, skin and bones, with no muscle mass and perhaps a damaged heart.

-While I invite encouragement, I do not take kindly to unsolicited advice that I've previously repeatedly asked not to receive, as this advice feels demeaning and invalidates the extremely hard work that I am doing despite my failures.

I've included a link to the following website as a resource for tips on healthy living:
http://www.helpguide.org/life/healthy_weight_loss.htm

I like the part where it reads, "Aim to lose 1 to 2 pounds a week to ensure healthy weight loss."
Aim, as defined at dictionary.com (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/aim), definition number 4 reads, "4. to strive; try (usually fol. by to or at): We aim to please."

I am striving, trying, aiming for losing weight healthfully, with the goal to lose 1 to 2 pounds a week. Week to week, I'm not reaching that goal yet many times I exceed that goal. If you take out my vacation set back, I will have lost over 20 pounds in 17 weeks. Anyone who can do second grade math can calculate that's over 1 pound per week, and not more than 2 pounds. For now, I think I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to do. Am I in denial? If I am, please tell me.

I would be overjoyed if I could lose 2, 3, 4 pounds a week. I would love to be slim and toned, and look more socially acceptable, faster. Being so overweight, if I tried harder I'm sure I could do that for awhile at that pace. My whole dieting life, however, has been aimed at attempting to lose weight as fast as possible. The result is I always quit, I get discouraged, I fail. I do not want to do that anymore. I do not want to make excuses when it gets so much harder than what it already is. I already make excuses as it is. Fortunately, I'm able to overcome these minor setbacks. These setbacks don't depress me to no end like they always have before. I fear failure. I feel like for the first time in my life, I am actually making a real difference. Why in the world would I change this good thing I have going just because someone thinks I'm not doing it a way that they think I should? Again, if I'm in denial please tell me.

All that said, I will try harder because it's obvious that there's more that I can do, doing it this way. I do understand that seeing -.2 pounds, week after week sometimes, is slow since 1 to 2 pounds per week is a healthy suggested pace. I will aim to meet those goals. I just can't discredit that cute little .2 of a pound though, because it's hard work getting each increment to fall off. I'm proud of my accomplishments despite my critics. I will continue to persevere because I am resilient.

Meals
1 bowl of multi-grain Cheerios
1 cup skim milk
2 cups of water

4 oz lemon and rosemary chicken breast (l/o)
2 cups of asparagus
1/2 cup onion
4 cups of water

2 flour tortillas
1 1/2 cups onions, red bell peppers, green bell peppers pan fried in 2 tbsp olive oil and water
3 oz Cajun seasoned chicken breast
1/4 cup shredded low fat cheddar cheese
4 tbsp non-fat sour cream
1 cup of blackberries, raspberries, strawberries
2 cups of water

2 cups of peppermint tea

Exercise
None

Notes:
-NO DESSERT TODAY. This is a huge accomplishment because of all the cupcakes and ice cream that have been invading our house lately. Such a breath of fresh air! Andrew and I were talking about dinner and how eating a yummy meal full of cooked vegetables and then having a bowl of fruit afterwards got us full as if we loaded up on nasty fatty foods and then desserty type items. I suppose part of the trick is finding healthy foods that you love to eat and then eating them. :)
-Yeah, no time for exercise. This is a huge balancing act. I'm just praying that October 31st comes soon so all this stress can melt away. I have to eat better so I'm taking time making meals and cleaning the kitchen. I've sacrificed workout time to fit that in, along with the headache of meal planning and grocery shopping (I'm a stranger to healthy meal planning--there is a huge difference). But I need workout time too. I'll figure out a way soon--just not this minute! As long as I'm doing something right everyday, I think that's a good sacrifice for the next two weeks.