Day 29

I'm feeling great today and I'm sure it's thanks to my great day yesterday. I did have a pretty bad sleep, however. Last night I tried falling asleep and my shoulders just kept hurting (from the workout) and I had restless arms syndrome (haha). So I went to the couch and tried to get comfy eventually falling asleep sometime there soon after. I woke up after having a horrible dream. I've been watching the Bachelorette, and Jill's now down to the last two bachelors, who I as a viewer, definitely approve of. ;) Anyway, I was thinking about how Reid was sent home and you could tell how much he loved her, but he was a little awkward, to me--maybe too shy, unable to express emotions, whatever. So I was thinking about him and how sad it was that she's become so attached to these men, and she's got to throw all of them away but one. Yes, I need a little drama and escapism in my life, so this is where The Bachelorette and Grey's Anatomy fit perfectly. So I went to bed after having watched this. Well my dream went like this:
Andrew and I both decided to go on the Bachelor/Bachelorette simultaneously for some reason, even though we were married like real, and loved each other, etc. Anyway, it's nearing the end of this experience, and Andrew had to decide who to pick. All of a sudden I was one of the women he had to choose from, and this was his show--the Bachelor. So it's between me and Jill, of course. Hello, Jill is beautiful and fun, spontaneous, and I have no chance against her except that I'm already married to Andrew and he is supposed to love me. Well on our 'date' he tells me that he's falling hard for Jill and he has to choose between us. He said even though we were married, I had to prove to him how much I could make him happy, or he was going to Jill. Are you kidding me? Some other bad feeling stuff happened that I can't remember, and then I woke up with this horrible feeling. My Andrew doesn't love me anymore and I pushed him away! Ugh. Of course reality is much more kind. It was upsetting that he was at work already, had taken B to day care already, and I was alone with these thoughts. I started cleaning to get my mind off of it, then had to text him with love notes. lol I'm a suck for my Andrew!

So I got dishes done, which made me feel productive. Two camping bins are still in the living room. sigh At least I did something today. I let myself procrastinate so much that I am always playing catch up with nearly everything in my life. While I was going to classes, I had everything done, neat, perfect, but I was an emotional mess. Now that I'm going through correspondence courses and it's up to me to make deadlines, my life has been going in slow motion, but I'm content most of the time. I need a swift punch in the jeans to get thing done! Now that there's no real pressure from the outside, it's so easy to just be very care free. See I'm blogging about my fattness, and while important, it's only like #3 on my priority list. I still have #2--school to get working on, and #1--my immigration stuff to complete. What a mess! I dream of a day where my #1 is do whatever makes you happy today (included in this are caring for a future child and having fun with my husband--that would make me happy if those were my only worries). I think maybe I'll revise my plan of action, post it here, and make it more concrete so there's incentive to actually do it. Although I'm acting care free right now, I feel unfulfilled. I need my degree and the education that comes with it to feel more complete--more accomplished. Then all I need are a few babies, and with all that I already have, I'm set. I really love my life. I love and absolutely adore my husband. I'm so blessed. 'Just have to master this procrastination thing, and I think then the world will spontaneously morph into chocolate and all will be good.

Meals
1 sub (l/o), made the same as yesterday
2 tbsp onion soup dip
12 potato chips
2 cups of water

1 bowl of peaches and cream oatmeal
1 cup of milk
1 banana
2 cups of water

1/2 cup of strawberries
1 cup of water

6 oz. roast with garlic
2 cups of mixed roast vegetables (potatoes, carrots, onions, celery)
2 cups of water

1 square of Lindt dark chocolate chili
2 cups of water

Exercise
42 minutes interval hill treadmill
30 minutes lower body machines
20 minutes stretching

Notes:
-I was very cognisant of my food intake today. After dinner I felt like I wanted sugar because of my previous angel food cake addiction, and there was almost nothing in the house. Thank goodness I've been hiding away my Lindt bar. I think it's taken me 3 months to eat that thing (and it's still good!). So I got a guilty pleasure, but I stopped there. That was very satisfying!
-Exercise was great again today. I've been getting to the gym about 15 minutes later than planned the last two days, so I'm going to try to get there early tomorrow to fit in over 50 minutes of cardio. See in the evenings, I meet a friend after she gets off work, and then I like to come home in time to meet Andrew. I have to make it earlier in order to fit in everything I want so I'll try harder tomorrow. I also tried a different machine today because someone was using the machine that I wanted for calf curls. I did a leg extension where you rest your chest on a bench and hold handles, and you push and extend your leg, one at a time, back. I tell you after that, going upstairs to the other machines was scary! My legs were like jello and they're still a bit wobbly tonight! Funny how you get in to a routine, working many muscles, but then you work just one more, or a different way, and you really notice it! Good times.