Day 56--Week 8--Month 2

Monthly Measurements:

Weight: 329.8 pounds; -1.4 this week; -19.2 total
Body: 49.5-50.5-66.5 inches; -1.5, -1.5, -.5 this month; -2.5, -3.5, -1.5 total
Arm: 18 inches; -.5 this month; -1 total
Thigh: 35 inches; +.5 this month; -.5 total
Calf: 20 inches; -1.5 this month; -.5 total

Top size: 3X; -1X this month; -1X total
Bottom size: 4X-5X; -.5X this month; -.5X total
Ring size: 8; no change

BMI: 53.2; -.8 this month; -2.3 total; current goal 29.9
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Last Friday I noticed that my workout clothes were getting loose on me. I've noticed a big change in my sports bra--the thing doesn't hold anything in anymore, and my yoga pants are getting loose in the rear. I decided to go try on a few things to see if it was actually me getting smaller or if it was my imagination and I was just wearing out my clothes. I tried on a 3X sports bra and to my surprise, it fit! Then I tried a 4X yoga pant. Although it fit, my thighs are still quite chunky and didn't feel comfortable getting something that fit so snug so I didn't buy any and will just deal with my current yoga pants as they still fit, but not at tightly anymore. I'll wait to make that purchase when I can hide the chunky thighs a bit more. What a totally awesome accomplishment! I've never had to go buy new clothes because the ones I wore were too small. It has always been the other way around. Although it's difficult to try to dress a changing body, I'll take the challenge any day!

The biggest thing I noticed were in the jeans I tried on. The store I shop at only goes up to size 28 in the cute clothes, and I've seen a few size 30's here and there but nothing I'd ever want to wear. So I took the size 28 jeans into the dressing room and braced for the battle of fitting every fat bulge in. To my astonishment, the jeans went up my legs with minimal jumping--just a bit of squirming. The jeans zipped and buttoned, but only just. The rest of me hung over the waist and I thought just because I can wear them, doesn't mean I should. This is major because the last time I went shopping for jeans, most of the 28's either didn't even touch zipper to zipper, or didn't even make it over my hips. I'm getting there.

With all of this encouragement, I still feel like I could be doing more. I don't mean turning my 2 hour workouts into 3 or 4 hours--I mean turning that pizza into more fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. I've been talking about this all week it seems, kind of psyching myself up to the challenge I'm about to take on this week. Although I believe in balance, I perhaps used that as an excuse to fit in desserty items all over the place disguising my bad behaviours for good ones--oh, look at me, not cheese or mayo.

I do believe in making better choices and enjoying the food you love without saying no and then being deprived. I also believe in feeding your body good whole nutrients that will sustain it and keep it healthy on the inside and outside. I feel like what I've been doing is no different than someone who is losing weight by eating candy bars all day because that's all they have. The point was brought to my attention that if I consume more nutrient dense foods, I could eat so much more in volume while still making my calories, therefore being able to feed my body with those special nutrients it needs to stave off the tiredness. I haven't had a problem being hungry except for right after my workouts. I haven't felt the afternoon binge like I used to. It's now replaced by an overwhelming sense of fatigue. My body's talking to me and I'm not listening. What I'm doing is working, but it's not at the same time.

As I've said before my goal is to not die prematurely and to live in a state of optimal health. My naps and fatigue are not optimal, so something must change. What I love about what I've done so far is that I've taken this step by step and not tried to "go on a diet" but change my lifestyle. You've seen my poor food choices, and now it's time to reinvent what I eat and see if that makes a difference. Because I won't be fighting daily to go for a workout because I just love my workouts now and will go no matter what, I don't have much in the way to start changing my meals around.

I had this all or nothing attitude forever and maybe that's what's kept me for ever staying on a diet and losing weight. I'd think that if I was working out and "dieting" there's no room for desserts here and there so my diets wouldn't last because I would be so deprived that it just wasn't worth it. I can still allow myself these treats, but keep them as treats--perhaps once a week instead of daily.

Already I fear failure this week because I have a dinner obligation at my favourite Chinese dinner buffet tonight and so that will take the place of home cooked nutrition. When things like this happen, I think the best thing to do is to have a plan. I'm going to eat really well today and just not go overboard tonight. What would I eat at home? I'd have one plate of dinner. I'll do the same tonight. Is tonight a dessert night? No, I'd rather have something really delicious than those desserts they serve so I'll make sure to pass. This is my plan and now I'm prepared for when I see those little treats. IF they have those mini cupcakes (it's hit and miss) that I love, I will indulge in ONE. I think one of those mini cupcakes is about 125 calories after the jelly and frosting. I LOVE them so I won't deprive myself of the opportunity to taste it, but I will taste it and not make it a second meal. Wish me luck!

Meals
2 whole grain tortillas
3 eggs
1/3 cup of shredded cheese
1 tsp of taco sauce
1 kiwi
1 cup of milk
2 cups of water

1 Fibre Plus chocolate and peanut butter bar
2 cups of water

3 cups of water

China Rose-1 plate:
1/2 plate of broccoli/bok choy approx 2.5 cups
4 chicken balls
4 fried squid with approx 3 tbsp sweet and sour sauce
1/2 cup fried rice
1/2 cup various shrimp dishes
ONE mini strawberry vanilla cupcake
2 cups of water

Exercise
20 minutes interval hill treadmill
30 minutes iron reps class (cardio and free weights)
30 minutes upper body free weights, machines, abs
20 minutes stretching

Notes:
-I stuck to my eating plan exactly for the buffet--awesome. I was very hungry during my workout having missed lunch which I regret, but I was so busy that I forgot to make something so I ended up with a fibre bar. Ugh, don't work out on an empty stomach.
-My workout was mixed up a bit because of the errands I was running, I made it late the gym, then had to leave right away for the dinner. I did what I could and it was still okay. Whenever I don't get more than 50 minutes of cardio I hate my workout, but meh.

Day 55

Just a food diary today...this is so embarrassing especially how I was ranting about needing to develop better eating habits this coming week, etc. But I guess this is what it is and all I can do is move forward from here. Sorry if this makes you want to hurl:

Meals
Fasted for breakfast because I forgot to last Fast Sunday

4 slices pizza
1 bottle of cream soda
2 cups of water

approx 20 ginger snaps (that's like 4 servings)
2 cups of water

4 slices of pizza (l/o)
2 cups of water

5 more ginger snaps
1 cup of milk

Exercise
None

Notes:
-When you screw up and everyone's watching, it's much more difficult to get away with.