I've been feeling very ill--still fighting this fatigue and anorexia (loss of appetite) thing. I went to see my doctor last Thursday which ended my day in tears, having to wait 4, yes FOUR, hours to be seen at my 1030h appointment. He's given me req's for blood work so I'm looking forward to the follow-up.
I've been disenchanted with keeping my blog postings up because of how crappy I'm feeling (and subsequent complaining) and how I'm not proud that I missed the gym Wednesday through Friday, today as well, and I've been eating horribly. It's like a downward spiral--I'm not eating so well so I feel worse, which makes me less motivated to try to do anything which makes me feel worse. I'm having a dark week.
Then we went on a weekend vacation with my in-laws that was very fun, but extremely draining. Andrew and I went on a bike ride for about 45 minutes after 3 hours of walking the town site where we were staying. I broke down in the middle of the bike ride, exhausted and feeling like a fat loser for not being able to keep peddling up a tiny incline. I told Andrew it was like having to do anything except while carrying a 12 year old on your back the entire time. No wonder us fatties are so lazy. Being fat is physically exhausting.
I'll be back tomorrow hopefully with a brighter attitude. I'm determined not to be a complainer. I'm trying to just state what's going on and trying not to be too hard on myself while trying not to justify my poor decisions to much. My biggest fear is failure and I feel like as long as I keep posting something, trying to dig myself out of this, I have not failed. I am resilient. I will fight this. I will come out on top.
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I started bike riding this last week and have not felt so out of shape in a long time! I really thought I was getting 'fit' because I usually run (well jog) at least half of our morning walk without getting winded, but I get on that bike and feel like I am working so hard, but going so slow (and only once have I be able to complete my whole ride without having to walk up the last little incline home). BTW, my sad little bike ride is only 2.5 miles! I am hoping that with continued effort it will get easier (like the jogging). Anyhow, no advice, but I had to share!
ReplyDeleteLOL, thank you Becky! I completely understand how you think you're getting fit so you try something else out and you're miserable at it! That weekend was the first time we brought our bikes out this summer (our icy, snowy winters last until March/April) and I thought it would be a nice, relaxing ride--just to be active, not necessarily to "exercise"--but it ended up killing me. I was so proud of all the interval hills I'd been doing at the gym so I thought that those quad muscles would sustain me but they didn't and not even close! You "sad" little ride will be an awesome one soon enough. I imagine you out in that Arizona heat and want to cry for you. :)
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