Day 48

Fast and testimony meeting this morning...

I got to church thinking this was going to be another Sunday morning. I didn't have anything to really contribute testimony-wise and was getting ready to imprint myself into the pew and listen to everyone that did. Then the counselor got up and started speaking and what he said made my heart jump out of my chest. You just cannot ignore that inspiration to speak at a fast and testimony meeting. If you've never experienced it, it's sort of like sitting there minding your own business and someone suddenly injected you with a billion whatevers of adrenaline. My heart started racing so fast I had to feel my chest to make sure I wasn't having a heart attack. My chest was hot and the pounding raced up into my neck and down into my belly, and flushed my cheeks. I was shaking. I tried to calm myself down so that I was composed enough to walk up to the podium when the counselor was finished speaking. This happens so suddenly and without warning. I even sighed and mumbled dang it because I've learnt to not ignore these promptings; if I don't get up and speak I regret it. When that's happened, I don't even know why I needed to say what I needed to say because I'm not sure that bearing my testimony is ever really for me. It's for someone out in the congregation. I no longer ignore my promptings.

As I was speaking, I don't really remember how I was able to speak, but standing next to myself it sounded like it all flowed really nicely. I always fear that I don't make sense and don't get points across or that I'm not truly communicating what's in my heart. I'm not a public speaker--I'm not even a private speaker. I wish I had an edit button to backspace and retype my verbal messes. Sometimes I even stutter. I feel like my brain works so much faster than the speed at which I'm able to express those thoughts--it all comes out in pieces. It makes me feel so stupid sometimes. It's very irritating.

But I spoke something much more beautiful than this:
I am the only member of my family. I was baptised in October when I was 18. It took me a little while to actually take the conversion, as the missionaries found me while I was walking on the street the February before. They stressed the importance of family and I was intrigued by the concept of sealings, and I was sold on the fact that I would get to do temple work for my dear mother who passed away when I was only 13. I had my heart set on doing this work. How wonderful that would be to do work for my mother who had passed?! By the time I was ready to do her temple work, I found out that it had already been done. I was angry and devastated that I was not going to be the one to get to do this work for her. I had been looking forward to this for years. Who could have done it anyway? We had no members in our family. As I was researching her work, I found out that her work was done on that same February that the missionaries found me. My belief is that my mother was doing work for me, and she paved the way for me to do the work here on earth for the rest of our family. This is part of my testimony of the truthfulness of this gospel; that the Lord Jesus Christ died for us; that He paved a path for us that we might live with him in eternity; that the plan of salvation promises that our families will be together forever. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

This was the second time this month I've talked about my conversion story. All month there's been talk of going to the temple, the visiting teaching message, etc. I've been thinking that I'm being pushed to get my family beyond the veil sealed--mom, dad, and my baby brother to me. Maybe Mom and Dad are trying to tell me to quit procrastinating. Maybe if I do this, it'll be less easy to procrastinate other areas of my life.

'And that wasn't it. One sister I visit teach got up and bore her testimony. She's been so ill the past 2 months and was struggling with her faith. Having 3 blessings previously and feeling forsaken, one night I was prompted to call her. I offered that Andrew would come over and he and her husband would give her yet another blessing. These things for Andrew and myself were small. We had an impression that it needed to be done, but when it was over, we hugged and in the following weeks had forgotten about it. Well this sister got up and spoke about it. Her testimony was a testimony to me about the truthfulness of this gospel. For some reason we were here to touch each other's lives. I didn't know that my husband's help with a blessing meant so much to her. Had I not been her visiting teacher, had I not obeyed my calling, that would have never happened. We're on this earth for a purpose and the organization of the church has a purpose and it enriches our lives so much that it's difficult to imagine how you could not believe in it's truthfulness.

I felt so humbled that being obedient has helped someone else. It's a much better feeling to know you've touched another's life than to hope for blessings for yourself. It just feels like you're fulfilling a greater purpose. 'And you build relationships and make friends out of it too. God has a plan for us and when we listen and obey, we are blessed beyond our dreams. I'm so grateful for this life. I'm so much happier than I ever imagined I'd ever be.

Meals
Fibre Plus chocolate and peanut butter bar

1 whole grain hamburger bun
2 tsp Becel margarine
1 breaded chicken patty
1 cup spinach, tomatoes, and pickles
1 apple cinnamon bun
3 cups of water

2 cups of water

2 corn tortilla enchiladas with
approx 3 oz ground turkey
4 olives
1/4 cup green onions
1/4 cup of red onions
1/2 cup of shredded cheddar and mozza cheese
1/4 cup of plain yogurt
1/2 cup of enchilada sauce
3/4 cup tomato Spanish rice
1 apple cinnamon bun
4 cups of water

Exercise
No intentional exercise as it's a rest day, but we walked at the big dog park for approx 40 minutes.

Notes:
-My enchiladas have a lot of cheese, but they're sooooo good! This is why I replaced the ground beef with ground turkey, and sour cream for plain yogurt. If you're not looking for it, you can't tell much of a difference in taste. mmmmm!
-This was our first time at the big dog park in the south. It was another hot day and we heard the park was adjacent to the river and yes, there was river access. B was so cute, having only swam once when he was a few months old, he tested the water for a few minutes but once another person threw the ball into the river he crashed through all the other dogs, even the dog that the ball was intended for, and ended up swimming to it and retrieving it. This was amazing because he's not one to bring back a ball all that often, and he went from zero to swim without any struggle it seemed. He ended up swimming most of the rest of the time we were at the riverside. We would walk along the shore and he would be thigh deep the entire time, getting out only to round a tree branch or something, and floppimg back in. I wish we would have brought our video camera--the fun he was having was priceless. Someone commented that he was a "funny swimmer" being how large and full grown he was. Well you'd be too if it was your first time swimming and you're trying to get across the English Channel without any practice.