Day 41

Like I said previously, this week I had 6 straight days at the gym. This may not seem like a huge feat for some, but for me this is a major accomplishment. I tend to find 4-5 days being "enough" so I slack on the rest of the time. By going every day this week except for my predetermined "off" day, I've felt so great the entire time and feel that this isn't very hard to keep up. I find that I start lacking motivation when I decrease my momentum. Yesterday I truly felt like I wanted to cancel. I had a horrible sleep the night before with a nightmare and a sinus headache when I woke up but I pushed myself to go anyway. I told myself that if I hated it and wanted, I would just leave. For me, however, getting there is 90% of the battle. Once I'm there, it's no big deal. A couple pills and a bunch of water, and things were okay. Thank goodness I've been meeting a friend this whole time. I've used her as a crutch, and I think she's done the same with me. It has pushed us to be accountable not only to each other, but also ourselves. I'm beginning to feel that if I didn't have her, I'm at the point where I'd be okay. I needed the momentum to get me started and now I feel unstoppable. I am very aware of my old lethargic habits still, and so am constantly on guard, pushing myself to just go. When you throw away all the excuses and all the crap behind why you can't do something, you'll find that there is a whole new world out there ready for you. I've found that instead of letting all these blocks and walls pull me back and keep me down, if I just keep resisting the urge of my comfort zone and pushing my boundaries, so much more can be accomplished. It's like finding a new person inside someone who I thought I knew, and finding that person who I always dreamed of being.

Because I checked my BP the other day, I wanted to see how it was today just for a comparison. Andrew and I were shopping again and stopped at the cuff. We sat for a few minutes to rest, and Andrew took his first. 118/81, pulse 79. I then took mine--130/80, pulse 56. What?

If you don't know what my numbers mean, let me tell you. They mean I'm a star athlete. Athletes have resting pulses below 60 bpm, not fat, 333 pound women...typically. Before I started this and I wish I had the measurements and diary to prove it, I was sitting around a 90 bpm resting heart rate, something that should be below 80 bpm for a healthy adult. In 6 weeks, I've completely changed how my heart works--so much more efficiently. I think of my heart as a pump that can only take so much friction and mechanics before it's going to start busting gaskets and eventually give up. Normal or optimal wear and tear minus any variables might take me to my 90's but at the rate I was going, my RPMs were overloading this inefficient machine so much that I think I would be pushing 60's and not for long. I have my dreams in sight to perhaps see those 90's now and what I do is a major component to how that will all turn out. I can't defy genetics or accidents, or God's plan for me, but I can do whatever I can to ensure it won't be my fault for prematurely leaving my loved ones behind.

I'm a little concerned about my systolic pressure still in the 130's, but hopefully time will decrease that. I'm floored that my diastolic was 80 today. The diastolic pressure is the pressure that remains in your veins when the heart is not pumping (at rest). This is a more critical number to maintain optimal levels. (Systolic being the pressure that is in the veins when the heart is pumping out blood.) I would love to go to my doctor's office and see the expression on his face. The numbers don't represent what's sitting in front of me. hahaha...Fatty is trying. Oh, and this is one peeve that gets to me. I've made the mistake and hurt myself so that I look like this, but to the person on the street, they don't know what I'm doing to ensure it changes. They see what they see and their judgement is what it is. This is another reason why writing this is so important. So people can always be on guard with their judgements and don't take everything they see at face value. I know that's a bit of a dream, but if it changes one person's mind, it's worth all the humiliation of writing this [although I'm beginning to love myself in such a way that I don't see myself as a person not doing anything anymore--I've proven to myself that I'm committed and determined now and the humiliation is turning into empowerment].

Meals
1 bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios
1 cup of skim milk

2 pieces of whole grain toast
1/2 can chicken a la king soup
1/2 cup potato salad
2 cups of water

1 cup of strawberries
1 cup of water

1 1/2 apple butter ribs (homemade)
2 cups of spinach Greek type salad
2 tbsp olive oil Italian dressing
3 cups of water

2 oatmeal chocolate & white chocolate chip cookies

2 pieces raisin bread
1 tbsp peppercorn ranch dressing
1 cup pickles, tomatoes, spinach
1 breaded chicken patty
2 cups of water

1 dark chocolate Kit Kat

Exercise
one deserved day off!

Notes:
-We had lunch after church at my SIL & BIL's and my SIL made these fabulous cookies. They proceeded to tease me that only one of the cookies had my name on it. I appreciate that they are supportive in my efforts and also that they let me have the choice to choose to eat a cookie and then not turn around and suggest that I shouldn't. I need supportive people like that and I'm so blessed that I have them and many others.
-I'm very happy taking a day off to rest from all the exercise. Yesterday, pilates kicked my abs! At one point Andrew was making me laugh so hard earlier, as he's so good at doing, that it hurt and I started laughing because it was ridiculous that I was in so much pain just from laughing which made me laugh harder and hurt more. I was crying real tears but I couldn't stop laughing. It was torture but I loved it!