Day 36

Monday I came home from a morning workout and a visit with a friend, and eventually fell asleep for 3 hours once I sat down and got food in me. What I called a nap, others poked fun at me telling me that's more than a little nap, and more sleep than some get all night! I thought about this and figured, I have the time, why not do what I want with it? I've spent so much time in school having the 2, 3, 4 hour sleeps for months at a time, I deserve a little R&R.
'But then yesterday I thought about how I'm so stressed in relation to all the time I spend doing on various activities that don't help me--such as spending 1/8 of the day sleeping more than my body needs, among the other aliments of procrastination, perfectionism, time management issues, etc. After all, I'm doing correspondence courses and I don't go to school rather, I go to my basement to study. Time sort of stands still day to day, but week to week it's wasted in the gluttonous belly of the time goblin. I was talking to a friend about this "nap" and came to the conclusion that while losing weight, you need adequate sleep---that inadequate sleep would be too little sleep or too much sleep. Hmmmm.

I have so much stress that leads me to a state of being frozen where I literally cannot do anything. I would say I won't do anything, but my mind tells me I cannot. It's sort of a panic feeling, but more of an I'm losing my mind and the word that fills my head is No. NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo--as if shaking my head back and forth and chanting "no" will fling everything off and make it not be so. Sometimes I'll be in this state for a few minutes until I calm down and have to sleep it off, or a few hours when I'm so exhausted that sleeping it off take a day or so. This is exactly what happened today.

I get so overwhelmed, remember I require organization for my mind to function, that when there is too much information, too much stimuli, too much going on all in disarray, I freeze and this shut down coping mechanism kicks in. I've learned to call on Andrew when this is happening because he helps me get out of my head and back into the real world. He calms me down and tells me not to worry, take one thing at a time, I'll help you. I get relieved that I'm not on my own with all this stuff to do and it's okay that the floor isn't vacuumed when I have to write 5 papers in the next month. It's a reality check when my mind short circuits. My life starts fibrillating and he comes in...I'm clear, you're clear, we're all clear...chu CHUK.

The point to all this is I've had to evaluate my lifestyle in so many ways. Doing all this consistent exercise and eating (okay just better than before and still faaar from perfectly) the way I am, has empowered me to reach beyond one change and look into all the aspects of my life considering what other changes I can make. Thanks to yesterday, I've reflected on my sleeping patterns and now have the resolve to have a bedtime, and to have a wake up time. While I ease in to it so as to not kill myself from shock, I'm going to bed with Andrew and waking up with Andrew. A 10pm-6am sleep schedule would be ideal. I promised myself to always use an alarm clock if I nap as well, unless a illness supersedes the need to care and sleep is prescribed. I think sleeping too much has drained me and has robbed me of being more functional and accomplishing more. It certainly puts a strain on having any time to do anything, hence a little time management issue.

'And somewhere deep within my philosophies on life and living, there is no room for sleeping my life away. I desire to accomplish much. It's a little embarrassing to my ego to realize what I actually live, versus what I desire to live. So here's more change; continue with ordering all these crazy orchids (they keep sprouting up everywhere---I suppose I could have called them weeds, but then it wouldn't be so pretty).

Meals
1/4 broccoli casserole (l/o)
2 cups of water

2 cups of water

1 bowl peaches and cream oatmeal
1 cup skim milk
1 apple
2 cups of water

3 cups of water
1 banana

1/4 baked chicken salad casserole--3 oz chicken thigh
1/4 cup celery
1 tbsp olives
1/4 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1 tbsp mayo
1/4 cup crushed potato chips
1 medium vine tomato
2 cups of water

1 peanut buster parfait (approx 1 cup of ice cream, 1/4 cup chocolate sauce, 1/4 cup peanuts)

Exercise
61 minutes interval hill treadmill
35 minutes lower body machines
20 minutes stretching

Notes:
-We had a coupon for buy one get one free peanut buster parfaits so I couldn't pass that up; it was such a nice night and we sort of used the excuse as a date night, plus I did about 10-15 minutes more cardio so it balanced out!
-Exercise, again, was awesome. I'm beginning to feel comfortable at the level I'm working so I find that I'm pushing myself more and more. I'm determined to one day jog for longer than one minute at a time, but that's not just me. I have to respect my dumb ankle which is still giving me problems and I don't want to further injure it.