Day 3

Day 3!!! So I didn't just get really excited and go all out for a couple days, and stop when it got hard (already). I did my upper body workout on Day 1 and I've had the 48 hours recovery time and I'm so sore and TIRED that I just want to sleeeeeeep. My friend and I have been going for these 3 days and tomorrow she's going out of town. That means my first test has come: do I flake out and not go tomorrow and pretend it's a recovery day? HECK NO. Unfortunately, as pumped as I am in this moment, it doesn't last when my eyes are still full of sand. So thank you everyone who sets their eyes on this: I can't fail with another excuse. I didn't think I would be so determined, to not show up and say, "Day X: nothing." That horrifies me. I know this is my huge challenge, but just knowing that one person is reading this is enough for me to make sure that I don't quit. It seems as though I have issues with needing to prove myself, but maybe for once it won't be in vain.

What was different about today was I have the lingering thought that 30 minutes, 3 days a week is adequate exercise. It is, perhaps if I were already slim and healthy, and participated in sports or something. 'But I have 200 lbs to lose to fall into my ideal BMI range. TWO HUNDRED POUNDS. That is more than an obese person to lose off of this obese person. So that's why I'm trying not to focus on the huge goal, and just take it a day at a time. I'm already looking forward to writing about Day 4. This is some great motivation--knowing there is another day that I have to account for.

I am physically tired. Another big day of exercise has left me feeling drained. I was on the bench at the gym resting in between sets of shoulder presses, and I felt as if I could literally fall asleep right there. This happened last time as I remember. For the first few weeks, I'm prepared to be exhausted. My 'new body' is going to go through a ton of changes and the exercise is the laborious work on top of the work my body's not consciously doing. I'm prepared to try to get over 8 hours of sleep each night. You need that repair time everyday. So off to bed with me!

Meals
14 chicken wings (medium and honey garlic) l/o from wings night on Tuesday
1 tbsp blue cheese dressing
2 cups of water

1 large bowl (2 servings) of Honey Nut Cheerios
1 cup of skim milk
huge sliced diameter of watermelon (2 servings)

1-Chocolate chip Fibre 1 fibre bar
2 cups of water

3 cups of water at the gym

large salad of romaine lettuce (2 cups), tomatoes and cucumbers (1/2 cup)-(3 servings)
1 tbsp Hidden Valley Ranch dressing
1 cup of whole wheat spaghetti
4 oz lean ground beef meat balls with onion & olives
Ragu spaghetti sauce (cheese and mushroom)
1 slice of garlic toast
2 cups of water

Exercise
17 minutes on elliptical
36 minutes on treadmill
35 minutes upper body free weights/machines
20 minutes abs and stretching

Notes:
-Breakfast was really crappy this morning. I started eating the wings because they were easy and there, and I thought I shouldn't do it, but I did anyway. I figured, at least I'm getting protein--ha! Not going to happen again. I did waaay better on cutting out the fat from all the cheese overload yesterday. I only got 5 fruits and veg, but at least I got 5. Still have too many carbs (when I say carbs I mean breads and cereals group--complex carbs are good for you--I am not worried about my carb intake so much as trying to make sure I get a balanced diet and not overdo the breads & cereals--trying to get more fruits and vegetables). They aren't apparent until the end of the day. That's something I'll have to be more diligent about!
-Exercise was as awesome as usual. Spending 2 hours a day at the gym should show something soon. I don't think I'm overdoing it, as it seems alright and when you're this fat, the more the better. You'll notice I only did 17 minutes on the elliptical. I was going to change it up today but after 17 minutes my ankle was hurting so badly I could not push through. I hate the treadmill but unless I go swim in my fat suit, this is the only cardio that feels good on my ankle right now. Such is life.

Day 2

I am SORE!! Today I woke up from having had my first workout in over 2 months, with arms that did NOT want to move. I did an upper body routine and the worst is trying to stretch out my arms to stretch my chest, and lift my arms because of my shoulders. I knew there would be some soreness because I haven't done anything in so long, but I remembered that I didn't like this feeling! I also got one of my personally famous exercise headaches today, probably from over exerting, but meh. :) I'm also not eating a bowl of sugar with each meal, and maybe that's attributing to the headache. Although these may seem like bad side effects, I can't not feel so proud of myself for doing the work and looking at it in a way that's routine. I guess I'm cheating because before I sprained my ankle, I had started going to the gym in late November. I went religiously and lost 12 pounds during that time until the beginning of April--I know that's not a huge loss, but a loss non-the-less. Anyway, I tasted what it must feel like to those athletic types that say they get upset if they miss a day of exercise. Never in my life did I think I would ever feel that way. These last two days give me that feeling and if I miss tomorrow, I'll be miserable!

Andrew and I started making dinner at home (woo hoo!) about a month ago and it's been going really well. We've gone out maybe twice because of not planning properly and both of us saying no to cooking. What we're doing now is making the meal, which inevitably yields at least two portions per person, and dishing up the plate and the Tupperware containers all at once so there's no temptation to go back for seconds. This makes a nice already made lunch for Andrew to take as he makes his way out the door in the morning, and my lunch already prepared giving me time for other things.

Obviously this is a work in progress, but I'm off on the right foot. I took another step today and told my SIL about this blog which made me so scared to actually share it with anyone because until then, I still had my "out." I hadn't committed to anything yet, but now it's all changed. Now I don't want to look weak. Now everyone has the chance to see the numbers. Now I have to change. It's scary, but it's also exciting.

Meals
1-Fibre 1 peanut butter fibre bar
2 cups of water

2 cups of water during gym time

4 oz steamed salmon (l/o)
1/3 cup boxed rice pilaf--steamed, not boiled in butter (l/o)
1/3 cup canned spinach (l/o)
2 cups of water

1 apple
2 cups of water

1/4 tuna pie (1/4 cup shredded cheese, 1/4 cup pancake mix, 1/2 cup milk, 1 egg, 1/4 can of tuna, 1/32 cup green onions, 75 g cream cheese)
2 cups of water

6 graham crackers
2 tbsp margarine

1/2 cup water with prenatal vitamin (you never know!) and Saw Palmetto

Exercise
53 minutes walking on the treadmill at 140bpm
45 minutes machine working lower body
25 minutes stretching
40 minutes strolling around the dog park

Notes:
-Failed miserably with food today. Need about 6 more fruits & veg and .5 servings of dairy (and less of all the fatty cheese!). *It is estimated that most people only get 12 gm of fibre per day. The daily requirement is 25-30 gm. Fruits and vegetables are an excellent source of dietary fibre. Met water requirement--go me! It was also a very warm day.
-Exercise was awesome and at a perfect level!

Day 1

K, I'm about to leave for the gym for the first time in over 2 months. I'm totally scared because I know I'm so weak right now and out of conditioning. I'm freaked out that I'll somehow twist my ankle again, but I'm going to wear a brace so I should be okay.

I had 2 cups of water, and beanies and wienies on a hamburger bun for breakfast. That was a total carb load, but hopefully it will set me up for a good workout. I'll have a piece of watermelon right before I leave. I should have prepared my meals before I woke up and raided the fridge with a hungry stomach.

I'm not trying to push myself too hard, but hard enough that I'm aware of making small changes. Although not the picture perfect example of health, at least it's better than what I could have done for example last week: woke up to about 2 cups of vanilla ice milk and about 8 arrowroot cookies, then nothing until dinner. I'd say so far today has been a slight improvement. ;) On to the rest of the day...

The Plan

Weight: 344.2 lbs

Body: 52-54-68

Arm: 19 in

Thigh: 35.5 in

Calf: 20.5 in

Top size: 4X

Bottom size: 5X

Ring size: 8

I'm not going on a diet. Today I'm giving numbers to everyone with eyes who sees what I cannot hide from them every day. I'm not going to be less morbidly obese because I hide a number from everyone. These numbers will serve to represent my progress on my journey to become healthy.

The Plan

What does "healthy" mean to me?

1. A better chance at a cancer-free, diabetic free, heart attack-free life.

2. Living a day where I don't go to sleep at 11pm, wake up at 8:30am, return to bed at 9:30am, wake up at 12:45pm and drag the rest of the day.

3. Being able to walk a flight a stairs without having to catch a breath, and being able to climb 3 flights of stairs consecutively without being winded.

4. Having enough energy to take my dog for a walk without having to spend hours to days talking myself into the event.

5. Buying any clothes in any department or boutique store just because it's cute (and not because it's the cutest thing that fits).

6. Having photographs taken of me that I'm not ashamed to share.

7. Not constantly being asked if "I'm okay" because my face is red or there's physical activity involved.

8. Being able to eat a bite of food without guilt.

9. Giving my husband a trophy wife (he says I'm beautiful and I disagree--I want us to both agree).

10. Giving any family we might be able to bear a fighting chance at health through living by example.

11. Maybe my ankles will stop spraining under the pressure of a simple slip.

12. Feeling great about myself.

13. Sitting in a chair that doesn't hurt my hips. Sitting in a theatre seat without squeezing the person beside me. Not having to say sorry because I'm taking up their personal space and being the cause of being uncomfortable.

The list goes on, but these are a few that stand out right now.

How do I achieve this?

1. Write this blog. This is will make me accountable.

2. Look at food as a means of fuel. Allow myself to enjoy the taste. Eat what I need, not what I emotionally want.

3. Find out why I want to eat a whole pizza instead of one or two slices, or one serving.

4. Exercise for the purpose of exercise.

What do I plan to do?

1. Post a blog daily updating my progress.

2. Exercise at least 20 minutes, everyday except for Sunday. When this is no longer straining or I'm able to fit it in, increase the intensity or duration. This is the short term goal. Long term goal: 90-120 minutes, everyday except for Sunday.

3. For every meal, prepare the food to serving sizes using the Canadian Food Guide. Daily caloric intake will consist of approximately 1400-1800 calories. 5-6 grains, 3 dairy, 5 veg, 2-3 fruit, 2-3 protein. 8-10 glasses of water per day.

This is the plan.